Weirdmaggedon: The Worldwide Epidemic
by I2Senpai4U
Summary: This is Dipper's account on what would happen if Bill was able to successfully send his forces out to take over the world. It recalls the adventure he and the gang go on to defeat Bill altogether. Rated M for LOTS OF VIOLENCE and some MILD LANGUAGE. (Note: Will NOT be continued as I have already stopped writing this a while back! But don't worry, new stories are yet to come)
1. Chapter 1

_BLAAAAAARG! BLAAAAAARG! BLAAAAAARG! BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! THE CENTER OF DISEASE CONTROL, THE UNITED STATES ARMY, THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION, AND THE CENTER OF INTELLIGENCE AGENCY HAS DECLARED A NATIONWIDE STAGE 9 CATASTROPHE. UNKNOWN INVASIONS HAVE SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE COUNTRY. IT IS STRONGLY ADVISED TO STAY INDOORS AWAY FROM ANY DOORS OR WINDOWS AND TO TURN OFF ALL LIGHT SOURCES. LOCATE THE BOTTOM-MOST LEVEL IN YOUR HOUSE, APARTMENT, OR OFFICE BUILDING. STAY CONCEALED AND KEEP ESSENTIAL SUPPLIES WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES. IF ANY POLICE OFFICER, ARMY MAN, OR ANY OTHER GOVERNMENT AUTHORITY COMES UP TO YOUR DOOR, ANSWER HIM AND OBEY HIS INSTUCTIONS. OTHERWISE, KEEP YOUR DOORS AND WINDOWS LOCKED AND KEEP HOLD OF A WEAPON. IF YOU LACK OF SUPPLIES, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BUILDING. A GOVERNMENT OFFICIAL WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO ESCORT YOU FROM YOUR HOME TO THE NEAREST SAFE HAVEN. REMEMBER TO ALWAYS ABIDE BY AN AUTHORITY'S INSTUCTIONS SO THEY MAY PROVIDE YOU THE SAFEST ESCAPE ROUTE POSSIBLE…BEEEEP! BEEEEP! BEEEEP!_

This very same message has been blaring throughout our dang radios and TVs for three months now. Ever since Bill Cipher had come out of his dimension into ours, the world has been a living hell. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if hell was a lot more peaceful than it was here on earth. I bet Satan's already boosting up the prices for his hotel and apartment rooms just to make a living (yeah I know, quite the pun). Don't ask me how the heck I've already been alive for this long. I'm not really too sure myself. I'm assuming that half of the United States population has been wiped out just because of all the riots by newly founded gangs and all the crazy crap that Bill has been throwing at us from his own dimension. If Bill wants to take over our world, why the heck is he trying to wipe us out? The world's eventually going to end up like his own, unless if that is his intention. Would he go on to wait another one trillion years to take over some other random world? Would he go to create his own universal empire? But that really isn't the concern as of right now. I'm currently hiding in the convenience store of a dilapidated gas station in the middle of Nevada, kind of like that haunted one back in Gravity Falls except everything has fallen off the shelves, and there is a ginormous hole in the ceiling. My sister Mabel was looking down at the cereal box at her feet. I could only guess what she was thinking about. Grenda and Candy. Waddles. Our parents. And Mabel will hardly even agree to talk to me about anything. She's still upset with me about how I agreed to be Ford's apprentice, which doesn't make any sense whatsoever since there's really no point in being trained when EVERYONE now knows of what monstrosities surprisingly exist in this world. I pulled out my Glock for about the five hundredth time and observed it. Grunkle Stan handed it to me almost immediately when we decided to ditch Gravity Falls and the state of Oregon altogether. I haven't killed anyone yet. That was the duty of everyone except for Mabel and I. Grunkle Stan came back inside the shabby building, shotgun in hand.

"Ford, I don't like this. We need to move again," Stan said bluntly.

Ford looked up from a collapsed display stand. He had been looking around for anything useful. "The next town is about 20 miles from here. What makes you think we can survive another trek through here?"

Stan's car broke down while driving through California, which had been about 2 months ago. We had been travelling east on foot ever since, avoiding any cities with dangerous gangs patrolling the once peaceful streets. Of course, that wasn't easy, as we had to sometimes go into the city to restock our backpacks with food, water, first aid supplies, toilet paper, and the occasional flashlight. At one point, we were camping at a rest stop on the highway until the threat of running out of food became imminent and then being eventually chased off by a small gang of thugs. We eventually found ourselves here, at a freaking, run-down convenience store.

"I don't know, dudes," Soos butted in. "It's actually not too bad to settle down here."

"The apocalypse doesn't have any room for optimism, Soos," Stan said. "Someone or something is going to eventually find us in this dump and they're not going to play nice."

Of course, we've all heard this from Stan several times already. It was kind of starting to piss everyone off. It was like having your mom guilt trip about how she gave birth to you and she took care of you with the best of her ability. The same old crap, repeated over and over again. Like that dang PSA.

"Well, we're all going to get caught eventually. Might as well stay," Ford said.

"The heck are you being all suicidal for?" Stan questioned.

"Do you seriously think that you're going to live your life until you die of old age?" Ford objected. "The world is ending. Life is no longer allowed to be lived to the fullest. We are to die one way or another. The only way it can't be is naturally."

The two brothers started to debate. Typical. They've been fighting over the most petty of topics. If it was safe to use the bathroom at night. If Mabel and I should be walking around during the day. Even if it was too risky for one of us to pass gas while on one of our treks. I've been sick of it. Of course, there really isn't anything I can do about it so I just tend to sit back and laugh internally at the one with the most erroneous theory. Soos, on the other hand, went over to the two and tried to break them up.

"Look dudes, how about a compromise?" Soos suggested. "We stay here for another week or so and then we'll be on our way."

They looked at each other for a little bit, then they nodded in agreement. Soos definitely knew how to be useful during the apocalypse. Even though he couldn't fix the car, he often had to be the one to negotiate. However, with the world dying, negotiation started to rapidly decrease in logic. It would be a matter of time before Stan and Ford would literally be at each other's throats trying to kill each other.

Then suddenly, Mabel silently stood up and started to walk to the window. Placing her hands on the window sill and her chin in her hands, she stared at the unnatural green sunset against the bright red sky. I could see her face in the reflection of the glass. I recognized it well. Loneliness. She really didn't give a crap about her impending death. All she wanted was attention, but not from the four of us. If Wendy were with us, she could have easily coaxed Mabel out of her depression, but we have no clue about Wendy or her whereabouts. Another one of Mabel's infinite worries that don't deal with her death. The lives of her favorite boy band members seemed more important than herself.

Soos has talked to Mabel before, but it doesn't seem like his easy talking could get Mabel happy again. This was not Mabel. Something was up. Mabel provided joy to us whenever we needed it, and she would without a doubt find a way to do so in one way or another. Whether Bill himself hurt her or the creation of Bill did, I'm sure as heck going to make him pay. I'm going to do my homework and find Bill's weakness. I'm going to defeat him, gouge his eye out, and put it on display for the whole world to see. And the best part is, he won't know what hit him.

My name is Dipper Pines and I am a vigilante on a mission to destroy the one and only Bill Cipher by any means possible.


	2. Chapter 2

A week had passed, and now it is the night we leave. I had been woken up from my nap because of Stan who was barking orders at us to get ready and to make sure we had everything we needed before we left. Looking around with my groggy eyes, I could see that one of us looted one of the shelfs of its chip bags. I looked over to my left and saw that Mabel wasn't next to me. Getting up, I started to look around the store for her. I eventually saw her outside leaning against one of the old gas pumps, looking at her shoes. I sighed. I had to talk to her again. I just did. I navigated through the piles of food and soda left on the ground in order to find my way to the door. As I opened it, a scraggly, broken buzz could be heard, supposedly alerting the clerk that a customer was leaving. I started to walk on the hard asphalt, which was littered with gritty sand.

"Hey Mabel!" I called out as I was walking.

Mabel looked up for a second, but then almost immediately put her head back. Freezing for a second, I regained my conscious and continued to walk over to her. I came up to her and put my hand on her shoulder. Her cupcake sweater was grimy with grease stains, dirt, and mucus from her frequent crying. She never had the opportunity to switch out of it in three months. It was the only thing she took with her from Gravity Falls.

"Dipper, I'm not in my happy zone right now. Come back when I decide to reopen." Mabel quickly stated. She was obviously trying to get me off her back again.

"Well that's what I'm here for," I told her. "I could use one of those bracket filled smiles of yours. I haven't seen one in about three months."

Mabel just shook her head. "Now's not the time, Dipper. Maybe during a time when things don't suck."

I nodded. I then started to pull something out of my backpack. "I've got something for ya!"

Mabel looked up. Good! She was interested.

"Tada!" I quietly shouted. I gave her what was in my hand.

It was a card with a cute kitten with a party hat eating a slice of cake with both a fork and spoon. Her mouth gaped open as she opened the card. Inside it read "I hope you have the most puuurfect day!" Underneath I wrote "Happy belated birthday! From the best brother, Dipper" She looked up from the card and…smiled. Suddenly, she gave me a hug, and I started to smile myself.

As she let go, a happy tear ran down her cheek. "Thanks!" she squeaked.

Just as I was starting to say "You're welcome", Soos came up to us and told us that we were leaving now. I happily sighed and started to follow him. I finally got Mabel to smile. That's one thing to scratch off the apocalyptic bucket list.

As we started to walk away from the convenience store, I started to think. Well, that's what I've been doing a lot, but I started to think more differently ever since we arrived at this convenience store. I started to vividly recall the events that led up to the point I'm currently at as of right now. When the rift was evidently destroyed, Bill came up into the sky and proclaimed his rule and prophesy and crap like that. I remember sprinting into the woods to find Mabel. I eventually found her laying down next to a tree by the shards of the rift. I started to drag her as fast as I could until I reached the Mystery Shack. There was Grunkle Stan with his car parked right in front of the building with the trunk open. Soos and Grunkle Ford were packing the trunk as fast as they could and Soos ran back inside the shack to make sure there was nothing missing. I dragged my unconscious sister into the back seat and buckled her in.

"Dipper, hurry up and get in the freaking car! We've got to go NOW!" Stan yelled.

I quickly jumped in and slammed the car door shut. I then dared myself to look at Mabel. And then I lost it. I buried my face into her sleeve and started to wail.

"My God, kid. Would you stop being a wuss and let an elder get some peace while he plans his escape route." Stan chided.

I didn't give a crap. His scolding was very irrational. I continued to cry until it ached to do so. By that point, Grunkle Ford and Soos had got in the car with us, Soos wearing the most worried expression anyone had ever seen him have.

"Ford, this kid is really losing it. Why again did you want to mentor him?" Ford didn't answer. He just stared out the window. Suddenly remembering something, Stan threw a Glock onto my lap. "Keep a good grip on that. You're going to be needing it eventually."

Sniffling, I looked down at the weapon for the first time. It was a solid jet black color with an oak wood grip. I've only shot a gun once or twice. I really wasn't all for guns, but this was the apocalypse now. It was a man's only tool for survival. So I kept it in my hand for the majority of the car ride.

It was later that night when Mabel finally woke up. She had gasped loudly, startling everybody. It startled me the most, making my body leap for joy to see her still alive. She started to look around, confused about the situation. And then she looked at me, and both our eyes started to water. We hugged each other and cried some more. My snot got into her brown, smooth hair, and her snot got onto the back of my collar. But we didn't care. We just let it all out. Even Soos got a little watery-eyed just watching us. At one point, Mabel pecked the back of my neck, and I then did the same. We've done this before, not because we're incestuous, but because we've known to do it to help each other calm down. That was one of those times.

About two days into driving, the car very inconveniently broke down. Soos had tried his best to fix it, but alas, no luck. So we gathered as much as we could from the car and had so began to start walking our way as far east and as far away from Gravity Falls as we could go.

As I was thinking about this, Grunkle Ford stopped the entire group and motioned us to stay quiet. There was something up on the opposite side of the road ahead. Grunkle Ford and Grunkle Stan both drew their respective weapons and started to walk to the car.

"Do they see someone?" I started to think. "Do they see one of Bill's minions?"

As Mabel, Soos, and I also got closer to the object, I could see that the object was a car with a lady inside of it. I started to internally panic when all of a sudden, Grunkle Ford and Grunkle Stan started to shoot at the lady in the car, killing her instantly.


End file.
